I don't know if its just that time of year or that time of life, but I've been so restless lately; feeling like there's more or other or something just...different that I'm lacking.
Maybe it's because I've always felt that I fell into this career, this job, this company. And given the choice...well, there aren't a lot of choices right now, are there? But my job is feeling more and more like a job and it's becoming overwhelming to keep up with the constant...sameness.
Maybe it's the stress of trying to sell our house in an extremely down market, and the stress of finances being stretched beyond, and the stress of being...displaced? I do love the townhouse where we're living, but maybe because its not quite ours...because I would not have chosen these fixtures, these accessories, these details and sometimes just changing the toilet paper makes me miss all...
our things.
Or maybe it's that four-years-old isn't any easier than three-years-old, and I've been a semi-single parent as Casey tries to work through a painful back or hip or whatever is hobbling him these days; but then again, I'd probably still be stalked in the shower whether or not dad was mobile. Z's incessant "mommmmm" just don't leave much time or energy for...what I don't even know.
And that's the crux of it. I don't know what to do or feel or want or...be. I'm just waiting for...something. I'll let you know when it gets here.
