Birthdays

I love birthdays.  I love the celebration of a life, the affirmation that the presence of one particular person in this world has made a difference.  I've lived long enough that it's no longer about the parties or the gifts (though a little cake is always nice).  I'm no longer one to look back on the days already lived to reanalyze the varying degrees of my accomplishments, nor will I look forward too far, making plans for the next and next and next big thing.


Today is simply a celebration that I'm here to live another day on Freistadt Road and a celebration of those in my life who have brought me here.  Happy Birthday to me!

Mothers

It’s hard to believe that June will bring the 14th anniversary of my mother’s passing. Although I’m still ambivalent about life after death for me, my mother was a devout Catholic and, therefore, unquestionably resides in heaven (Miss Z has taken to calling her my “angel mom”). It’s crazy how time only slightly dulls the sharp jabs of Missing, and consequently, May and June are emotionally sensitive months around here. Everything feels so bittersweet when you’re what they call a “motherless mother” in the month of mothers.

In the past few years we’ve been celebrating Mother’s Day with Casey’s mom and sister and her family. This year we had everyone over for a low-key lunch, which was a nice distraction for me. Miss Z loves having people over and is such a sweet little hostess. I love that she is so enthusiastic about helping to plan and prepare in her own special ways—creating the menu, picking flowers, setting the table, even cleaning the bathrooms with Dad (thanks, love). On Mother’s Day morning she set out some of my cooking magazines in the living room “in case people want to look at recipes.” So incredibly thoughtful, isn’t she? It breaks my heart that my mother has never met this little darling, and that Miss Z has never met her angel grandmother (who I think looks just like she did at 20-something when this picture was taken).

In more exciting (and less depressing) news, I’m turning a year older this weekend and the weather forecast is sunny with highs in the 80s! Can you believe it?! As far back as I can remember it’s rained on every birthday except one (my 30th and I took that as a sign that it was high time I got over the funk). Since we moved to Freistadt Casey and I celebrate all our milestones at a local drive-in (Wayne’s for those of you nearby). And of course, Miss Z is looking forward to celebrating. She told me yesterday that she’s getting me some black rocks because black is my favorite color. I don’t think it can get any better than a cheeseburger on an authentic Fuzzy’s hardroll, a fresh pineapple shake, and some black rocks handpicked by my sweetest sweetheart.

Here’s to another year of ups and downs and all arounds on Friestadt Road.  Cheers!

Spinning

Oh where to begin again?  It's been a crazy few months around here.  Miss Z turned 3, which was wonderful; then my father had a "very serious" heart attack, which was not so wonderful.  It was a long, long few months of back and forth to the hospital, then back and forth to his home, then back and forth to the hospital again after a major setback.  It looks like he's making a full recovery, albeit a cautiously slow one, and once again I thank my lucky stars that we live in the age of modern medicine.

But here we are, already half way through May; me on the verge of turning one year older with a new disorder to add to my collection: vertigo.

Vertigo feels like I'm on one of those merry-go-rounds at the park and the mean kids are spinning it faster and faster.  It comes on out of nowhere and I lose all my bearings.  Its strange and awful and makes me wanna cry.  They don't know what the underlying cause is and all I can do is take some medication to ease the spin and accompanying nausea.  The irony is that I have always hated that spinning feeling, get motion sick very easily, and have spent most of my life avoiding ring-around-the-rosy, so of course life thinks I'm the perfect candidate for vertigo! But with everything else that's been happening, I can't complain too loudly.  I have the wonderful Miss Z, and my father and my family, and, of course, my dear husband.

There's so much more I could write, but let's leave it for another day.

Friends

I'd like to introduce you to Randy the Squirrel (yes, that's him in the picture).  He's Miss Z's new best friend.  He likes to come over and sit in his blue bowl and watch Miss Z at play or, if he has something silly to tell her, he'll sit on her shoulder and whisper in her ear.  He's pretty quiet otherwise, so we don't mind at all when he comes over.  Except he has this annoying habit of suddenly disappearing; then we can only assume that he's gone home to his nest to eat his nuts...because squirrels love nuts!  But then again, don't we all love our nuts ;-)

To My Little Miss

Three years ago on a snowy Sunday morning not too different from today, you let me know you were ready to meet the world.  Even then, as we scrambled to prepare for your arrival, you did things your own way, on your own time; stubborn as all heck and refusing to be coaxed out before you were good and ready.  And then, at 2:21 pm, the miracle of modern medicine brought forth the miracle of your little smush face.

Fast forward all the joyous days of you in our lives, stubborn and funny and creative and growing up so quickly.  I love the sound of your easy laughter, your strange little dance moves, your funky sense of style.  I love that you already know your impatience and own your talents; I love you wanting to do everything and your confidence that you'll be darn good at it.  Even in your worst moments, with the screams and the tantrums and the DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, I love your spunk, your push and pull, your new tactic of bargaining with the sweet lilt of "okay, Mom?". . . okay, Miss Z, my princess, my sweetheart, my little girl.  Happy Birthday.

Easing

I can't believe it's already the end of February.  And truly, every time I mean to update this blog I'm overwhelmed by the the blank posting screen. Because the days fly by and I want to think that so much has happened, yet so little has changed.  I guess that's what they call A Good Life.  So we're easing back into this with this random picture from Miss Z's camera while I try to figure out what to say.